How I dealt with my insecurities

This month last year I was THE MOST insecure person on earth. I would validate my self-worth based on the number of likes and comments I get, and the number of followers I received fed my ego. In my head, the more "you're so pretty" comments I received, the prettier I deemed myself to be. So whenever my pictures do not get a certain number of likes or comments I will feel insecure and worthless. It got to the point where I could not leave my house without makeup on and I would fuss over a little bit of acnes or blackheads on my face. Until one day, karma hits me.

This time of the year I was very unhappy with my life, my grandfather passed away, my heart was broken multiple times by countless of boys and I was pressured by my dad every single day on what I wanted to do in the future. I was at my all time low and suddenly I started developing these rashes all over my body. 

Apparently I developed a rare case of the Steven Johnson Syndrome (SJS). I know, even the name sounds rare HAHA. Basically it started out as rashes on my legs and back, then it spreaded to my face and my genital areas. According to my dermatologist, I was fortunate to have diagnosed the syndrome at an early stage, else it would have been fatal. But knowing me at that time, my first concern was how people viewed me. I was so afraid that people would see me as a monster or some horrendous being, so I kept my head down, I covered up, and stopped going to school. Soon after, I was admitted into the hospital as it has gotten way worst and everyday was full of blood tests and x-rays. I had to pee into a cup at some point. That was why I deactivated my Instagram account at some point, because I cannot bare the thought of scrolling through Instagram and seeing all of those beautiful girls on my feed with flawless skin, it made me felt even more insecure. I know this may sound a bit too dramatic to some of you, but for a girl with so little self-worth at the time, this incident made a huge impact in my life. 

But during my stay in the hospital, it made me realise some shit. At the end of the day, your so called "followers" or "online friends" don't care about your wellbeing, heck, they didn't even notice you were gone. But you know who will stand by your side no matter what, your friends and family that you have in the real world. I was so fortunate to have friends and family who dropped by and visited me, giving me words of encouragement and cared for my wellbeing (you guys know who you are). It was thanks to them that my stay in the hospital was a bit more tolerable and I didn't resort to killing myself. 

To every guy or girl out there dealing with insecurities and lack of self-confidence, just know that in a few years all of these so called "followers" will mean nothing and the number of likes and comments you get do not equal to how well you're doing. Don't let fame get into your head and remember to always appreciate the people in your life, not the ones online but the ones in real life. Take that from a girl who makes money online HAHAHA. 

Finally, I'm not saying that I'm the most confident person on earth, I still have some moments where I still feel insecure and start comparing myself to other girls, but building confidence takes time, I'm not expecting you to be insecure one day, and be self-assured the other. Start by leaving the house without makeup on and still feel comfortable. Developing self-confidence can be a very stagnant process sometimes, but as long as you have the heart and determination to change, anything is possible. 

P.S for anyone of you dealing with skin problems recently, this is the 

contact number of the dermatologist that helped me at the time:

03-4141 3228

03-4257 2690 

(Dr. Gan Ain Tian) 

Hope it helps!

Relationship Advices 101

Alright before I begin, a little disclaimer guys my love life is not all sunshine and rainbows, we have our ups and downs too, our good days and bad days. But sometimes arguments and disagreements are totally fine, as it is a stepping stone for you guys to strengthen the relationship and develop a deeper  understanding between one another.

Now, putting all the cliché talk aside, let's begin this painfully honest but much needed advice shall we. So let's say it has been 3 month since you guys got together, many say that the first three months of every relationship is the "honeymoon period" and as time passed the feelings starts to fade. He starts late replying, 5 to 10 minutes replies turns to 1 to 2 hour responds. Sometimes he doesn't even respond until he's done with whatever he's doing. He used to send you cute messages every night and day, but now, even a good morning text is rare. You guys used to have a lot to talk about on the phone, but now your phone call is either full of awkward silences or he doesn't even call that often. He starts to prioritise his friends over you, his phone is never out of reach, and it's hard for you to hold a full conversation with him.

As a girl, we tend to overthink a lot during this period of time, especially when you have a lot of time in your hands and you're on your period, overthinking is unavoidable. We'll start to wonder "Does he still love me?", "Do I still matter to him?". Our thoughts will be full of him and in order to get him off our mind, we try to keep ourselves busy by watching k-dramas or apply face masks, thinking that it's a way to "pamper" ourselves, but when a notification pops us, we would still check it or glance over. When distracting ourselves doesn't work what do we resort to? Usually we will be very moody and everything we says seems like we're trying to pick a fight. As a guy in this scenario what should you do? I'm not telling you to reply every few seconds, because I get it, guys have a life too, you guys have friends to meet and work to do but sometimes, a word or reassurance is much needed. Before you head to work or hang with your friends, let your girl know beforehand and if she starts to throw a fit asking if you still love her or not, just reassure her and tell her how much you love her. Never and I repeat NEVER allow her to sleep on a cold shoulder, no matter how bad the fight is, always apologise even when it's not your fault because sometimes all she needs is your reassurance and to know that you still love her as much as she loves you. 

Honestly, a long-term relationship is not that hard to maintain if both parties are committed and will do ANYTHING to sustain it. Honesty is another major factor in keeping a relationship going, never lie to your partner, no matter how big or small the lie is, it is best to be 100% honest with your partner, because if she cannot trust you who can she trust? Of course a little white lie here and there wouldn't hurt. By that I mean when she ask if she looks fat in that dress she loves so much, just say no. But jokes aside, never keep secrets from your partner, if you're going out with a bunch of friends and there are girls there, just say so, she wouldn't come and hunt you down because of it. However, if you lie to her that is not guaranteed. Trust me guys, even if you hide it from her she would find out eventually (we girls have the stalking skills of a CIA) so why not save yourself the drama and just be straight up with her. 

Last but not least, make time for one another. It's not that difficult to plan a cute movie date or a nice dinner sometimes. It doesn't need to be anything too fancy, just the idea of taking some time out of your busy schedule to spend time with her is more than enough. Don't talk about buying gifts or planning surprises for her when you can't even fulfil the most basic role of a boyfriend, which is spending more time with her. Take not that this applies to both guys and girls, and I am just referring to the girls' perspective as it is easier for me to put myself in their shoes. I am in no way trying to be sexist here so don't come and hunt me down HAHA.