Anxiety attacks

Let me be real w u guys,anxiety fucking suck.It feels horrible.One day,when you least expected it,it'll hit you like a goddamn train,it'll keep you up at night.

I know what y'all might be wondering and yes,i've experienced em.Once.I am known to be a very insecure person with very low self-esteem.My self-esteem can turn from 10 to 0 real quick.But tbfh i'm even more insecure when i see my close friends being better off than me.

One day it hit me.As i was going to pee i felt my heart thumping a bajillion times faster,it was hard for me to breath and i started hearing voices in my head.Voices telling me that i'm not good enough,that i will never be good enough,that i'm ugly etc.Those voices kept me up at night.I felt dizzy.I was shaking.I cried.

To actually describe that particular feeling is hard.To use one word to define it is even harder.Here's a little something that i wrote at that time to get my mind off things.

my mind's a maze.

sometimes,me myself have no idea what i'm thinking.

one minute i'm confident af & my self-esteem is off the chart.

one minute i'm insecure af & i just wanna build myself a fortress from the outside world.

one minute i'm envious of others.

one minute i think i'm the queen.

i'm scared.

it's as if i have multiple personalities within me & i've no idea which is the real me.

the worst part is,i'm afraid the envious & insecure side of me get ahold of me & become my dominant trait.

because i don't want that.

because when i'm feeling that way,

i am not happy.

it makes me sad.

it makes me burst into tears.

i want to be happy.

i want my positive trait to turn dominant.

i'm tired of being shy,envious & most importantly insecure.

ps i did not change anything,and i copy+paste this word for word.tbh this is the most raw side of me that i've ever shown to the internet.

The purpose of this post wasn't to gain any pity from y'all or for y'all to feel sorry for me.Trust me,that is not my intentions AT ALL.The intention of this post was to let you know that "Hey,you're not alone.You're not fighting insecurities alone.You're not suffering alone.Because they're lots of people who are experiencing the pain you're feeling.It's just that some are better in concealing em than others." I'm sure 99% of y'all has been a victim of insecurities.Because we're not born flawless,and that's ok.

byeee!xx